"You Don’t Mess With the Zohan" Review
| Movie: You Don’t Mess With the Zohan * Site * Gecko Preview * Trailer | In Theaters: | June 6, 2008 |
| Runtime: 113 minutes | Directed by: | Dennis Dugan |
| MPAA Rating: PG-13 for crude and sexual content throughout, language and nudity | Gecko Rating: |
Up until two days ago, I thought Superhero Movie was the worst of 2008 so far. We have a new low: You Don’t Mess With the Zohan, starring, written and produced by Adam Sandler and his Happy Madison Productions, along with writer Judd Apatow, among others.
Really, who among you actually LIKES Adam Sandler movies? Please step forth and show yourself, because I don’t know anyone who likes this tripe. Ok, Happy Gilmore was passable, and it’s a favorite of my 13-year-old son’s. Other than that, not so much.
More after the jump…
Zohan is a jumbled mess of a movie, with virtually no redeeming value. Sandler stars as “the Zohan,” one of Israel’s top agents in the super-secret intelligence agency Mossad. In a weird, supposed-to-be-funny-but-isn’t turn, Zohan apparently feels no pain, which comes in handy when you’re chasing terrorists on foot across rooftops or on jet-skis in the water. His bravery knows no bounds.
When not working, Zohan delights in satisfying the ladies and having cook-outs on sunny beaches. Sometimes at the same time. Naked.
But Zohan is sick of all the fighting and bloodshed involved with his job. What he really wants to do is cut and style hair for renowned hair guy Paul Mitchell. Zohan has been secretly harboring a mid-1980’s copy of Mitchell’s hairstyling books. So Zohan fakes his own death — thanks to a battle with his Palestinian nemesis, the Phantom (John Turturro) — moves to New York City, and lands a job as a hairdresser in a small salon run by an Israeli woman (Emmanuelle Chriqui, pictured; she played Sloan in Entourage).
Zohan moves in with a kindly man-child named Michael (Nick Swardson) and his mom, Gail, played by Lainie Kazan (pictured, below). If you see this movie — which I don’t recommend — you’ll be scratching your head over where you’ve seen her. In short, she’s done a lot of movie and TV work, dating back to a stint on Hullabaloo in 1966. Check out her IMDB Page.
When Michael brings Zohan back to their apartment, Zohan has dinner with them and then has sex with Gail. He also has sex with his clientele at the hair salon. It’s that little something extra he offers, in the back room of the salon. To the point where the walls shake and things fall off shelves, yet no one seems at all disturbed by this.
Sandler leaves no stone unturned when it comes to crude, sex-related humor — everything from sporting a giant bulge in his pants to feigning that it’s a fire-hose as he sprays hummus to douse the flames of a fire (he’s obsessed with hummus). The theater where I saw this was about half-full, and no one laughed at any of the lame jokes. A few people even got up and walked out. I wanted to, but didn’t because, well, I have a duty to you guys, so I stuck it out.
I gave this movie one gecko, only because I liked Alec Mapa as hairdresser Claude, and because Sandler managed to score some decent cameos, including Kevin Nealon, Chris Rock, Maria Carey, Bruce Vilanch, and George Takei, riffing off his newly-outed status. Barry Livingston, i.e. Ernie on My Three Sons, also had a part, though if you know who he played (Gray Kleibolt), let me know, because I forgot to look for him.
Also, every time I heard the title, I kept thinking, “You Don’t Mess With the Lohan” — as in, “don’t mess with Lindsay Lohan.” It’s just a goofy title, but so is the entire movie. And not in a good way.
And, I know a sense of humor is a good thing, but should we really be making fun of terrorists and the innocent people who must endure their evil reign in war-torn countries? I don’t think so. It’s just not funny. At all.
Images: You Don’t Mess With the Zohan, Columbia Pictures, 2008
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7 opinions for "You Don’t Mess With the Zohan" Review
lisa
Jun 14, 2008 at 1:47 pm
i like “The Wedding Singer” and “50 first Dates” but not much else…
Jane Boursaw
Jun 14, 2008 at 1:54 pm
Lisa - Yeah, same here. Maybe Sandler should stick with romantic comedies…? Ok, Jane, there’s just something so wrong with that statement when you’ve got people like Clooney and McConaughey in the picture.
Kristin Ohlson
Jun 14, 2008 at 2:40 pm
I also like the Wedding Singer and Fifty First Dates.
I don’t think it’s wrong at all to try to come up with some humor about terrorism. But you have to do it very well, or it’s…terrible.
Sigh- I really want to see a movie and everything seems like crap.
Rachel
Jun 14, 2008 at 8:28 pm
Oh Jane, I think you missed the point and humor in this one. Both cultures are so incredibly over the top that it had to be broad farce or risk extreme tears. The love interest was Palestinian, not Israeli. By missing that you literally missed the crux and message of trying to get past thousands of years of fighting. It wasn’t a poetic movie, but it had moments of sheer brilliance.
Jane Boursaw
Jun 14, 2008 at 8:55 pm
Rachel - Thanks for that clarification. The Palestinian girlfriend definitely puts a different spin on it - and, of course, that was a big part of the ending. I think maybe I just don’t have much experience with the over-the-top Israeli culture that you and other folks have mentioned. I just didn’t find it funny!
I’ve talked to a few people who’ve made comparisons to Borat, and I DID find that movie pretty darn funny, especially the hotel scene, which gets the award for the Funniest Naked Scene in a Movie. Borat seemed a little more cerebral than Zohan, and I think that helped.
Alef
Jun 15, 2008 at 10:15 pm
I want my money back CRUDE I could read between the lines are you sure he’s Jewish what an insult to all of the cultures played out in the movie.
patrick
Jul 2, 2008 at 10:58 am
Adam Sandler is classic in his own way, though he tends to do his best work when he stays casual, not trying too hard to be funny or deep, etc.
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